Lately... In pictures.

Growing up my mom and dad made an effort to spend one on one time with us. We called these dates. Mommy dates and daddy dates. I loved them and always had lots of fun. Growing up I knew I wanted to be a mom, I wanted 6 kids, and I wanted to these dates with every one of them! Now that my boys are older Hayden and I had our first date. William was in nursery school so I took Hayden to the Arborg bakery for lunch and of course ice cream. We both had lots of fun! I really hope and pray that I can make this into a habit with all three of my boys. I wanna spend one on one time with them till they move out or they don't want to anymore! Haha whatever comes first! 

24 weeks pregnant with Kashtyn!! 

Bath time and snack time at Papa and GeGe's house { my parents }. I've been trying to take them there a lot more, they live 2 hours away so sometimes it's harder to bring them. I wish I had the freedom to just drop in whenever I can. They ask about them lots and honestly there are days where I miss home. 

So thankful for my parents and the love and Godly example they are to my boys. 

Dave and I took the boys to Festival du Voyager. Dave is french and is pretty proud of it, plus it's very attractive when he speaks it! Anyways, he grew up  going with his school and said the boys would have a blast! And he was right! The weather was beautiful, tons of people, tons of amazing food! We all had fun! I loved the history! 

We finished off the day going to the forks! 

Always wrestling and fooling around. Not to mention the noise! 

Hayden and William have really been into the Dr. Suess book The Lorax. So I took advantage of that decided to teach them about taking care of the earth and also teach them how to plant seeds and take care of them. I also taught them where our food comes from and how it's important to be thankful for nature and how God created us to protect it and take care of it. They soaked it all in and love watching and watering their little plants grow. 

I am so thankful that I get to spend everyday with these two. And I cannot wait to put a third little boy into this chaotic, beautiful life.

.....

I've been staring at this blank page for two days now trying to figure how to start this blog post and how to take it from my brain and heart to paper. What I wanna say sounds good in my brain but I can't put it on paper.  Maybe I should just come out and say it... 

I'm pregnant. 

And at first I felt so guilty and kinda dirty because Dave and I are not married and felt so guilty and bad for my family because I have already put them through enough shit. The guilt and shame. But yet excited that we were having a baby. But than guilt and shame because I shouldn't be excited because it's out of wedlock. The confusion and emotions are sometimes unbearable. And than the guilt for having a baby out of wedlock and having to explain to Hayden and William. I sometimes feel like the worst parent ever. That I'm letting my boys and everyone down. From being divorced to having a baby and not being married. And yes I know you have sex, the outcome could be a baby doesn't matter how careful you are. 

Side note: 

I hope I'm not shaming anyone or offending anyone with this post, believe what you want. But growing up I always wanted to be married when I started a family and live happily after. So if you have had kids out of wedlock that's your business I'm not here to be judgemental. 

Anyways, I know rumours and gossip will happen and I am honestly over that. Say what you need to. But what does bother me and hurt me when I hear people saying things about my family. Things like: what horrible parents they are, and wow a pastor daughter he must have not pounded the bible into her enough, and what kinda family still talks to her, they should shun her. 

My parents have taught me very well and have taught me right from wrong, they have taught me the Bible in a healthy way.  We had a good, healthy, loving home. Nothing to complain about. 

My choices DO NOT reflect my parents parenting. I am my own person and I made my own choices in life, some good and some bad, just like everyone does. My parents don't agree with the choices all the time but I know they will never shun me or disown me. And for that I am very thankful for and thank God for everyday. Thank you mom and dad. 

So, yes I am pregnant. But I can't help think that this child is a gift from God no matter how it is conceived or how it's brought into the world. Dave and I love this baby with all our hearts and I hope that we can teach this baby and Hayden and William to learn from our mistakes and I hope that they will all grow up to be men {yes, it's a boy!} of God and have a heart for the hurting and love for everyone no matter what choices and mistakes people are labeled with. 

" You're here for a reason, you certainly are. The world would be different without you, by far. If not for your hands and your eyes and your feet, the world, like a puzzle, would be incomplete." 

               {Nancy Tillman} 

 23 weeks with baby boy #3.

Oh Dear Kashtyn, you are so loved already.