E A S T E R

I know that Easter was yesterday. But I can't help think how different Easter was for us this year. 

My whole life I always knew God loved me, and that he died for me and etc, etc. I've heard the Gospel many times in my life, I heard Jesus loves me all the time. I knew it all, but I never felt it. Like, I knew he loved me, but I never felt that love, or experienced that love. I just can't really explain it. But this year was totally different. 

As many of you know I am divorced. It was the most painful, gut wrenching, heart breaking thing I have been through.  Yes, I am the one that left, I am the one that got involved with things that no married woman should have gotten involved with. It was painful. The sin. The guilt. It was unbearable some days. 

The sin was eating Dave and I up. Our relationship sucked, it was rocky, I didn't know if we were going to make it. And I couldn't bear the thought of breaking my boys hearts again. We both knew that things needed to change. I won't tell Dave's story cause that is his story to tell. But I knew I needed help, major help. I needed to talk, to spill everything, I needed forgiveness. I told Dave I am at rock bottom, I love him, I need and want this to work, so please support me. He did and he does. 

I reached out to our church and was totally blown away. I couldn't believe the love and support that came our way. Comments like "I've been praying for you, and I really want you to see this lady and do counselling with her." I couldn't believe it. I've been in church my whole life but never felt that love and support I felt that day ( and that isn't a bash to the other churches I've attended, I am sure if I was honest with the others, things might have been different.) Anyways. my heart was racing when I agreed to meet this lady, and when I finally accepted the help that I desperately needed!

I went to go see her, and my word! That was the most uncomfortable, painful, amazing, freeing thing I have ever done. I spilled everything, I told her everything. Everything I've struggled with, everything that hurt, everything that I have done, every sin, every struggle, every hidden secret. I spewed out, Everything out, just out in the open to this stranger. Talk about crazy! It was crazy, crazy painful, crazy freeing. Just plain crazy! I walked out feeling forgiven, equipped, and loved. I felt like a warrior, a warrior fighting for her family, her relationship. A warrior that was NOT going to let Satan win this battle. I was NOT going to let my bitterness and anger ruin me or my family. I was going to fight, I have a warring spirit and in the end Satan will not win. I forgave. I forgave myself, I forgave the people that hurt me. In Jesus's name I forgave, and I promised myself and others that I was not going to let Satan ruin me, and my family again. Even though I've made huge mistakes in life, God isn't finished with me or my family. He's far from done. 

Anyways, back to Easter. This was the first that I felt so loved by God. Reading the Easter story in the Bible was totally different this year. Reading him being nailed to the cross with every sin that I have committed. Knowing that he loves, and knowing that he thought of me when he was dying on that cross, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. Jesus, who was blameless, who didn't do anything wrong. Who healed people, who loved people, who taught people, the most selfless man ever. There he was dying on the cross cause he loves ME and YOU so freaking much. Its amazing when you really think about it. Its crazy, its crazy and amazing to even think of someone loving you that much that they are willing to die for you. Like I said I cant even wrap my head around it.

A man so perfect died for me. A sinner, not worthy of his love, forgiveness, and grace died for me. And he died for you. He loves you. He wants all your mistakes, your burdens, your struggles, he wants them all. He carried that all on that cross, and wow I am so thankful for that. So very thankful!

H U M I L I T Y.

H A P P Y  N E W  Y E A R !!

Can you believe it is 2018!?

I feel that this year went by really fast!

2017 was so very good to us. We had our ups and downs. We had many tears, but more laughs! We bought our first camper which we have created so many memories with already, we made some small home improvements, Willy started Junior Kindergarten, Hayden started grade One, and recently Kash has decided to start the terrible twos! Hayden began his second year in hockey, and Willy began Skating Lessons. We played outside, had treasure hunts, explored the Interlake, and had many bonfires! 

 Where there is up's there is also downs. We have experienced loss, we have fought, and we have had our share of time outs! But through the hard times we decided to always choose JOY! 

I am thankful for the lessons we have learned and the memories we made in 2017. I am very excited to see what 2018 brings! 

For the last few years I have not made New Years resolutions. For some reason they just do not work for me. I put way to much pressure on myself and then I fail, and get upset with myself. So, instead I pick a word for the New Year, and in 2018 my word is

H U M I L I T Y

It is something that I need to really work. I am quick to get angry, and I am quick to get on my high and mighty horse. I have a hard time admitting when I am wrong, I think I know everything, and sometimes I am super arrogant. Alot of time Dave and I's fight revolve around my lack of humility. I am never the first one to say sorry, and I have a hard time admitting when I am wrong. I always focus on his wrongs and faults and never my own. I feel that if I keep up with this and don't become humble in all aspects of my life, it'll end with another broken family. I DO NOT wanna go down that road again. So, God help me,cause you and I know how selfish I am! I hope to blog more about it through the year, to keep myself accountable! 

So here we go 2018. Let this year be filled with love, honesty, amazing memories, and most of all
 H U M I L I T Y.

The Best Ever Homemade Cinnamon Rolls... for real.

I love Cinnamon Rolls. Like, LOVE them! I can eat them everyday for breakfast, lunch, and night snack. But making them can be a intimidating task. I have made them before and I did find an awesome recipe but between all my moving, packing and unpacking I have lost that one! So, since then I have tried a few other new recipes and they all turned out to dry or hard. But I finally found one SO good, SO simple, SO gooey, and SO soft. They really are The Best Ever Homemade Cinnamon Rolls! Enjoy!!

THE BEST EVER HOMEMADE CINNAMON BUNS
Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook time: 14 minutes
Yield: 12 Cinnamon Rolls

Ingredients

Dough

1 CUP warm milk
1 TBSP instant dry yeast
2 TBSP white granulated sugar
1 TSP salt
3 TBSP salted butter,softened
1 large egg
3 CUPS all- purpose flour

Filling

1/2 CUP salted  butter, melted
1 CUP brown sugar
2 TBSP ground cinnamon


Glaze

4 OUNCES cream cheese, softened
1/4 CUP salted butter, softened
1 to 2 CUPS of powdered sugar ( I only used 1 cup)
1 TSP vanilla
1 to 2 TBSP milk

Make it!

1: In a bowl of a stand mixer combine warm milk, yeast, sugar, salt, butter, and eggs. Add in flour. Using a dough hook, turn the mixer on to a low speed.

2: Once the flour starts to incorporate into the dough. Increase the speed to a medium range. Add more flour as necessary so that the dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl. The dough mixture should be tacky, but not stick to your hands. It should be soft. Add more or less flour until the dough reaches the desired consistency. The amount of flour you add in bread making is always an approximate, and I always go by feel.

3:Transfer the dough to a lightly greased mixing bowl. Cover with a towel and let rise until double in size. About 1 hour.

4: Punch down the dough and place on a lightly floured counter. Roll into a rectangle, 12 inch by 18 inch.

5: Brush the dough with 1/2 CUP melted butter. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle on top of the melted butter. Roll up tightly lengthwise so you have one long roll. Then cut the dough into 12 one-inch.

6: Place the slices onto a lightly greased 9x13 pan. Cover and let rise for 30 to 45 minutes.

7: Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Bake the rolls for about 14 minutes, until just kissed with brown on top.

8: While the rolls are baking Make the glaze. Whip together cream cheese, butter, in bowl until light and fluffy, Whip in powdered sugar and vanilla extract. Add enough milk to achieve a drizzle-like consistency.

9: Frost the rolls while still warm. Serve immediately or cool and store. Stays good for 4 to 5 days.

TIP: I rise my dough's in my microwave. I zap a cup of water for 1-2 minutes. Once that is done, it leaves the microwave warm and humid. Perfect place to let your dough rise! 

DOUBLE CHOCOLATE COOKIES.

I have been looking a long time for a double chocolate cookie recipe. Every one that I have tried turned out to be dry, and would be stale in a day or two. So I turned to my trusty Mennonite cookbooks and I think I have finally found one that I love and the whole family loves. They are so chewy, and they melt in your mouth!  Sharing is caring, so here you go!  ENJOY!



Double Chocolate Cookies

Ingredients 

1 cup butter
2 cups white sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/4 cups flour
1/2 cup cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups chocolate chips


Make it!

1) Preheat oven to 350'F

2) Cream butter and sugars together ( if you are using a Kitchen Aid mixer use your paddle to cream, it turns out perfect!)

3) Add eggs and vanilla, and mix.

4) Add the dry ingredients, and mix well.

5) Add chocolate chips, and mix with a wooden spoon.

6) Drop by teaspoonfuls on cookies sheets, and bake at 350'F for 7 to 8 minutes. I only baked them for 7 minutes, and when I took them out I let them rest on the cookie sheet for 1 minute before putting them on the drying rack.

7) Pour yourself a big glass of milk and ENJOY!

Sometimes it just hurts.

Sometimes loving my boys hurts. You love them so much you wanna protect them from everything, and maintain their innocence. But you know you can't, and that hurts. It hurts knowing that one day they will get their heart broken, have struggles in life, grow up, leave the nest and learn hard life lessons. Every thought of that brings excitement but hurt. 

When it is time for them to leave the nest and do their own thing. I can't help think if I equipped them enough? Did I pray for them enough? Did I love them enough? Did I teach them good lessons? Did I yell too much? Will they ever wanna come home and visit? Did I baby them to much? Did they're childhood scar them? 

Question after question, and anxiety after anxiety. I feel that it never stops. And honestly I don't think it will ever stop. 

Last night was brutal. Such anxiety. Thinking over and over what I can do to make the days easier, and smoother. I feel lately it's been so busy that I haven't had time to breathe. I'm exhausted. And the mom guilt, oh dear, that stupid mom guilt. I yelled too much today, I snapped too much! They are probably going to bed thinking that mommy is the worst, meanest mommy ever! Lately, everything about being a mommy hurts. I honestly feel some days like giving up, crawling into bed, and sleeping the next 18 years away.  

But I know I can't. Those three little humans are counting on me, they need me, they want me and I know that they love me. 

So, my dear Hayden, Willy, and Kashy poo. I am sorry. Mommy is really trying her best. I am sorry for raising my voice to much. I am sorry for being to busy some days to authentically play with you. I am sorry for taking my frustrations out on you. I love you, and I am trying my best to be the best mom that I can be to you three. I will fail, I will have bad days. And I hope that you will forgive me, and love me anyway.  I am and will always be your biggest cheerleader. I love you three so much. So much, that it hurts.

This picture will always be my favorite, I remember that day and how busy we were. Kash was a month old. we just moved and it was the week of swimming lessons. Kash wouldn't stop crying and wanted to be held. I couldn't hold him because I was getting things ready for swimming. So, Hayden volunteered to hold him. I ran downstairs to get their swimming bag and came back up to this scene. So thankful for them, their patience and willingness to help. 

C H R I S T M A S. // T R A D I T I O N S //

For the last three years Christmas has been exciting but has also brought an element of sadness. Three years ago my mom had her second brain surgery. She had the surgery right around Christmas time and wasn't herself when Christmas came. It was heartbreaking to see my mom on the couch not being able to celebrate Christmas the way I knew she desperately wanted to. It was heartbreaking for the whole family. She is the one that brings Christmas and cheer into the home. The one that decorated, the one who cooked and baked, and the one that made us pose for cheesy Christmas pictures. I can seriously say that was the worst Christmas ever.  Thankfully, my mom healed from the surgery and we have been able to celebrate more Christmases together since! Thank you Jesus! 

That Christmas I realized that I will NEVER take Christmas with family for granted again. That I will ALWAYS cherish traditions, and that I will ALWAYS make Christmas a big deal in our home. That we will ALWAYS have traditions and as long as my boys are under our roof they will partake in these traditions. So far they LOVE the little traditions. That Christmas three years ago, I missed those little traditions that my mom made for us.  They create memories, memories that I hope my boys will talk about for years. Just like the memories we exchange around the dinner table with family. I hope that they carry on those traditions with their family and so on. 

I made a list of a few of our favorite traditions. It is never too late to start!

1. Setting up the boys Christmas tree downstairs. They have their own tree where all the homemade ornaments are.They also get to pick a ornament out from a store every year to put on their tree. When we set the tree up, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is playing in the background. And after that is done, we have a pizza/ movie night! 
2. Advent calendar. I try to do a different kind of advent calendar instead of always having the chocolate ones.  The last couple of years we have been doing books. I wrap 24 books and they get to open one every day till Christmas! Not sure what we will do this year!
3. CanadInn Light show! Our family has been doing this for the last couple years. We start the evening with McDonald's, light show and end it off with Tim Hortons! 
4. Christmas Eve tradition might be my favorite!!! As a family we open gifts with the boys on the 23rd! We then head to my parents for the Christmas Eve church service. After we go back to my parents home, eat a hoard of snacks that my mom and dad have prepared, open gifts and have a sleepover! It's so fun! And I am so thankful for this tradition that has been going since I was a little girl.
5. Gingerbread house night! We put together gingerbread houses, and drink hot chocolate. The last couple of years we have been doing this with my mom.
6. Last year we started a new tradition involving Lego! Every year Lego releases a Lego set that is Christmas theme. Last year we got the Christmas globe, and put it together as a family while again drinking hot chocolate and sucking on candy canes. 
7. A family ornament. We buy a ornament for the Christmas tree every year that signifies something that happened in the year. This year we are looking for a camper. We bought a camper this summer and we pretty much lived in it all summer! So, we think a camper ornament would be fitting for our family this year. We already miss camping, and have begun talking where we should go next summer!
8. Winter bucket list.  Winter can get boring. So we make a list of things that we want to do this season, that way it keeps it interesting and less boring! 
9. Elf on the Shelf. I said I would never do it but apparently it's all the rage and I knew the boys would get a kick out of it! So I caved and bought one. His name is Elfie. He causes lots of trouble and pranks the boys and they love it! *insert eye roll* 
10. Christmas cookie baking night! It involves cookies, lots of sugar, icing and three little hyper boys! So fun! 
11. Baking a Birthday cake for Jesus, and having a little birthday party for him. This is another favorite. The boys are so confused to why Jesus isn't there physically! To cute! 
12. Reading the Christmas story before we open gifts.

Like I said, it is never to late to start traditions. It creates memories, memories and moments you will never forget. 

Christmas hasn't always been a happy time of the year for us. But I feel that this year is different. I feel that this year it will be the most wonderful time of the year. And I hope that I NEVER take that for granted. 

Also, it's starting to look a lot like Christmas in the Sabourin/Friesen/Plett home! 

I wish I had a endless budget when it came to Christmas Decorating.
Every square inch would be Christmas!

If you any traditions you would love to share, let me know! I would love to hear them!

SOFT BAKED MONSTER COOKIES

It is time, time to get the Halloween candy out of the house. And the perfect way to get rid of all the little boxes of Smarties and M&M's is to bake MONSTER COOKIES. Which happen to be a favorite in our home. I found a recipe on the internet and its the recipe I have been using for like 4 years now. They are yummy, so yummy that they are usually gone the second day. 

So, if you have little boxes of Smarties and M&M's that you would love to get rid of, they are the cookies to make!

INGREDIENTS 

* 1/2 cup salted butter, softened to room temperature 
*1/2 cup packed light brown sugar 
*1/4 cup white sugar 
*3/4 cup creamy peanut butter
*1 large egg
*1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
*1/2 teaspoon baking soda 
*1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
*1/2 cup quick oats
*3/4 cup Smarties or M&M's 
*1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. 

DIRECTIONS

1: Preheat oven to 350F degrees. Line baking sheet parchment paper or silicone baking mat. (The best cookie pans I have ever used is from Cake Boss, you can find them at Canadian Tire.) 

2: In a large bowl, using a hand held mixer or stand mixer with paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugars together on medium speed. Mix in the peanut butter, egg, and vanilla. Slowly mix in the baking soda and flour. DO NOT OVER MIX. Fold in the quick oats, Smarties, and chocolate chips. If the dough is very soft and unmanageable by hand, chill the dough for 30 minutes before rolling. 

3: Roll balls of dough, about 2 tablespoons of dough per ball, onto cookie sheets. Bake for 9-10 minutes. DO NOT bake past 10 minutes, The cookies will appear undone. I took mine out at 9 minutes, Slightly press the cookies down with the back of a spoon or fork, because they do not spread much in the oven. Allow them to cool for 10 minutes on the baking sheet before transferring them to a wire rack. 

4: Pour yourself a tall, cold glass of milk and ENJOY!

Chef Willy hard at work!
And yes I have our Christmas Tree up. LOL

Hayden enjoyed his after school snack today!