Mommy Confession.

I honestly cannot wait till Kashtyn grows up. I feel like I'm going to snap. I am done with the sleepless nights, I am done with the constant crying/fussiness, I am done constantly having to hold him, and I'm done with always having to tell the boys "just a second, Kashtyn needs me." 

I feel like a terrible mom to Hayden and William. I'm always telling them just a second, and when I finally calmed Kashtyn down and go play with them it lasts like 20 minutes cause than Kashtyn is awake again needing me. 

Tonight I feel like throwing in the towel, packing a bag and calling Dave and saying I'm in Hawaii, be back in a month. I just want peace, quiet, I just want time to myself. I don't wanna wipe tiny nasty shit covered asses, I wanna have proper breakfasts, I wanna do things for me, I wanna be selfish. Is that to much to ask for?! Yes, yes it is, when your mom kiss all that goodbye.  

I'm just going to go scream in a pillow, than go check on my two sleeping big boys, kiss  them good night, rock Kashtyn, probably cry cause of guilt, than look at his sweet angel sleeping face  crawl into bed, hopefully get some sleep. Than, at the ass crack of dawn, let the shit show begin once again. 

Ps: I really do love being a mom, I just needed to vent. Say a prayer for me. Say a prayer for us.